Forons

Foron

SHANDI BEEVER:
A foron is a moron on an Internet forum. There are three basic types of foron. I shall now proceed to define them, in order of their categorisations: A, B and C. I shall then provide some choice examples of their behaviour…

The Type A Foron asks really stupid questions.

The Type B Foron Googles the really stupid questions asked by the Type A Foron, then pastes the top search result onto the forum, in the general manner of a dog who has just fetched a stick – whether or not that top result actually answers the question.

The Type C Foron is an interminable, opinionated know-all who never listens to anything and is therefore only capable of talking utter bollocks. The Type C Foron considers his opinion to be fact, even though literally no one agrees with it. Indeed, Type C Forons will interpret ALL responses to the bollocks they talk as agreement, however negative or contradictory they may be.

For example…

    Type C Foron…

    “The reason Shandi Beever was crap on TV last night is that her boat has been blown up by the government in a controlled explosion.”

    Me…

    “My boat has not been blown up by the government in a controlled explosion. I have just negative repped you and down-voted every post you have ever made. It has taken me all afternoon to down-vote your entire contribution to this forum, but it was worth it to express how little you actually know, and how relentlessly you talk absolute bollocks.”

    Type C Foron…

    “Don’t shoot the messenger love. It’s the government that’s blown your boat up – not me.”

In addition to asking mindless, inane questions and apparently not knowing that Google exists, the Type A Foron will be heavily into private messaging. Again, the foron characteristics of never, ever taking notice of anything anyone says, are ever-present.

For example…

    Type A Foron…

    “Shandi, would you be interested in going on a date with me?”

    Me…

    “I would rather eat live cockroaches whilst sitting in a vat of boiling acid with a potato up my arse.”

    Type A Foron…

    “Thx for your reply and interest Shandi! Can you meet me off the bus?”

Can anyone explain to me how the sentence: “I would rather eat live cockroaches whilst sitting in a vat of boiling acid with a potato up my arse” can be interpreted as: “Yes, I would be interested in meeting a random pervert off a bus”?…


 
COMMENTS…

Gerald Fox
Mun

There was a hint of playful flirting in your reply.

SHANDI BEEVER
Admin

I sense that I’m going to regret saying this, but please elaborate.

michael_9
Pest

You wanted to have a potato up your arse.

SHANDI BEEVER
Admin

IF SOMEONE SAID “I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN LISTEN TO YOUR MIXTAPE”, WOULD YOU ASSUME THEY WERE ACTUALLY SUICIDAL, OR THAT THEY SIMPLY LOATHED YOUR TASTE IN MUSIC TO THE POINT WHERE DEATH SOMEHOW SEEMED MORE BEARABLE THAN LISTENING TO YOUR MIXTAPE?

michael_9
Pest

It would depend what was on the mixtape, and how depressed they looked.

Ed Case
Know-all

Sounds like flirting to me. If a girl sent me a private message saying “Hi, I’m considering putting a potato up my arse”, I would think she fancied me and was desperate for sex.

SHANDI BEEVER
Admin

I’m intrigued as to how “I would rather eat live cockroaches whilst sitting in a vat of boiling acid with a potato up my arse than meet a random pervert off a bus” has become “Hi, I’m considering putting a potato up my arse”. But then, I’m not a permanently asoused man who pesters naked women on the Internet 24/7, so I’ll probably never really understand.

Superteeth:
Idiot

im just sorry i canot spend more of my life wiv a potato up my arce.

Pathfinger
Faulty Wiring

Me too.

SHANDI BEEVER
Admin

Please NEVER, ANY OF YOU, produce offspring.

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