Getting an Investment Refunded

My Traffic Island

SHANDI B:
It appears that when I was on The Weed Show the other night, I made a number of outbound calls, placed several orders for goods and takeaways, and made some financial investments. I don’t remember making any of these calls, and I found out today that I’ve purchased 14 deck chairs I don’t really need, but I’m not really worried about that. What I want to know is: if I’ve invested a much more substantial sum of money in a piece of land, and I was technically non compos mentis at the time, can I get a refund?


 
COMMENTS…

Calum Fossil:
What have you bought?

SHANDI B:
I’ve bought a traffic island from someone called Bapes Investments.

WARBECK:
Why?

SHANDI B:
I don’t know.

Grant Greenstripe (Investment Manager):
Miss Beever. I am your Account Manager at Bapes Investments. I read the above comments and just wanted to make it clear that your investment does not include the actual traffic island.

SHANDI B:
So what have I bought???

Grant Greenstripe (Investment Manager):
You’ve purchased the land upon which the traffic island is set.

SHANDI B:
I thought a traffic island was land?

Grant Greenstripe (Investment Manager):
No, a traffic island is a round object in the road, with grass on it. But you’re not allowed to cut the grass. The owner of the actual island does that.

SHANDI B:
So what’s the point of me owning this land then?

Grant Greenstripe (Investment Manager):
So you can collect ground rent from the owner of the island.

SHANDI B:
Which is how much?

Grant Greenstripe (Investment Manager):
£5 per week.

SHANDI B:
Can I sit on the island on a deck chair in the summer?

Grant Greenstripe (Investment Manager):
Only if the owner says it’s okay.

SHANDI B:
Do you know the owner?

Grant Greenstripe (Investment Manager):
Of course.

SHANDI B:
D’you think they’d let me put a deck chair on the island in the summer?

Grant Greenstripe (Investment Manager):
No.

SHANDI B:
Can I get a refund?

Grant Greenstripe (Investment Manager):
No.

SHANDI B:
Can I sell the land?

Grant Greenstripe (Investment Manager):
Not until 2035.

SHANDI B:
Just a quick announcement guys… I don’t think I’m going to be doing any more of these weed shows.

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