Are Women More Paranoid Than Men In Relationships?

SHANDI BEEVER:
It has been claimed, this week, that women are more paranoid in relationships than men. The assertion is based on a panel of Google search suggestions, which comprise some of the most popular web searches females make in relation to their boyfriends… Continue reading Are Women More Paranoid Than Men In Relationships?

My Live UK Pole-Dancing Tour

SHANDI BEEVER:
We’re now five days into the Quixie TV UK tour, and so far it seems to be going well. Live club appearances are more fun than I imagined they’d be. I thought at first that I might have to meet Richard Lingham, but I’ve found a good system which ensures that’s not necessary.

When I arrive at a club I simply Continue reading My Live UK Pole-Dancing Tour

Control Freak Trapped in the Body of a Beg

SHANDI B:
I have been gladdened by the news that my virtual boyfriend Richard Lingham has finally sought help for his issues… Well, when I say he sought help, I mean he was tranquilised with a dart gun by the West Midlands Police, tied to a stretcher and pushed into a fruit loop centre on a giant wheelbarrow, obviously. But the point is that his issues are now being addressed, and that is good.

Richard’s situation was brought to a head after he Continue reading Control Freak Trapped in the Body of a Beg

Making a List Page on Wikipedia

Shandi Beever Wikipedia Page

SHANDI B:
In the wake of suggestions on a certain news site that all my fans are diabetic chavs whose tracksuit trousers don’t fit properly, my agent has set up a Wikipedia page to list all Shandi Beever fans who wear suits. If you are one of my fans and you wear a suit, please Continue reading Making a List Page on Wikipedia

Forons

Foron

SHANDI B:
A foron is a moron on an Internet forum. There are three basic types of foron. I shall now proceed to define them, in order of their categorisations: A, B and C. I shall then provide some choice examples of their behaviour…

The Type A Foron asks really stupid questions.

The Type B Foron Googles the really stupid questions asked by the Type A Foron, then pastes the top search result onto the forum, in the general manner of a dog who has just fetched a stick – whether or not that top result actually answers the question.

The Type C Foron is an interminable, opinionated know-all who never listens to anything and is therefore only capable of talking utter bollocks. The Type C Foron considers his opinion to be fact, even though literally no one agrees with it. Indeed, Type C Forons will interpret ALL responses to the bollocks they talk as agreement, however negative or contradictory they may be.

For example… Continue reading Forons

The New Daytime Show: Naked In My Garden

Shandi Beever Live Front Garden Home Show 1

SHANDI B:
I’d just like to say a big thank you to all the many, many people who called our new naked daytime show today. We were informed late on 30th September that Quixie TV sustained such heavy losses over the summer that they’ve had to sell the studio. We were off air yesterday, but from today, all of our shows will be broadcast either from our homes, from parked cars, or from empty train carriages with plastic sheeting over the seats. Continue reading The New Daytime Show: Naked In My Garden

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